The day I realized it was all my fault, was not a “feel good” sort of day. And I’ll give you a heads up – it wasn’t pretty!
I was so excited to get out to our garden and start planting seeds. It was going to be so great! We only had a short time to work that day, but in my mind we were going to get so much done.
I’m not sure where things went wrong. But somehow, my kids weren’t quite sure how to plant certain seed or where, they were whining about not knowing what to do, I got frustrated that they weren’t planting anything, my daughter started sniveling, my son got dirt in his eye, my daughter was haphazardly swinging a rake (she almost hit me in the head), and my baby started to cry…
I was ticked. I love gardening and this was taking all the fun out of it. In frustration I said I didn’t want to garden anymore…what was the point?
My kids were whiners and had wrecked our gardening time.
Yikes. Sort of hurts to write that. Why? Because it’s so not true. It was all my fault.
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Later, I was thinking through the morning and trying to remember where things had gone wrong. What set off this tail-spin of emotions? Then in a scary and slow realization, I began to narrow down where things had gone wrong. Could it have been me?
No, I quickly rethought everything. They were whining and sulking! It was them! But how did I react to them? Where was my heart?
Shoot. My heart was steadfastly set on me. On planting a garden I liked, in my time frame. I didn’t like how they were interacting with my little mini dream. Dog gone it, I didn’t expect for the blame to come back to me. I probably wouldn’t have spent so much time trying to figure out what had gone wrong if I’d known it would end up being my fault.
The truth was this; I had unreasonable expectations, I got uptight, I was in a rush, and to top it all off, I blamed them. And yep, I was in a bad mood for hours after.
Not a pretty picture.
Then I was reminded of a quote that I’m sure was meant for me (ok, maybe you too!).
St. John Chrysostom is accredited for having said,
“No one can harm the man who does not harm himself.”
Think about it awhile. It will blow your mind.
If this is true (and I’m afraid pride is the only reason not to believe this statement – just being honest) then I have to believe that whatever goes on in a day just is what it is. How I choose to interact with that situation is what makes the difference.
If I get moody, depressed, or stressed, it’s not the other people around me causing this.
It’s not their fault.
It is all my fault.
It is how I choose to react. It is how I choose to interact. That is what defines my experience in any given situation.
If my peace is so shallow that other people and situations disrupt it, then I have so much more work to do.
The minute I get frustrated with someone else or a situation, is the moment I lose everything. Control, peace, grace…
The journey of life here on earth is given to us as an opportunity to draw close to God. If I truly believe that, then despite the life that swirls around me, I must find Christ’s peace to anchor my soul.
So when life situations come rolling at you, remember:
“No one can harm the man who does not harm himself.”
Let’s truly live this life!
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